Failure

I’ve been thinking a lot about failure in the past few months, or I should say, the last few years. It is no secret that I fight thoughts of failure on a daily basis. I think those thoughts are universal maybe, but I particularly struggle with them in light of my self esteem issues. But lately, the topic of failure has come up a lot as I have talked to various friends.

You know, I often hear that Christ is able to sympathize with me as a person. Something akin to Hebrews 4:15. This is supposed to provide me, a sinner, comfort because Jesus, perfect, was also tempted “just like I am”. But it’s not the same. Temptation is not the issue sin is. I sin, Jesus did not. This often leads me to wonder how failure fits into the whole picture. Because Jesus did not fail. My whole faith is predicated on the truth that Jesus did not fail. He never let himself down. He never let his father down. He did not let those around him down (well, he actually did, but it’s like comparing apples to oranges). I do fail, I do let people down. But do I let God down? Hmmm…

I wonder if my fear of failure, the fear of failing myself and others gets projected on to God. What I mean is when I fail, in whatever way, I let myself down. In my distress I attribute those feels to God. So my feeling of inadequacy leads me to believe that God now views me as a failure. All too often I think I end up coming to this conclusion. I live in my failure.

The problem with that conclusion is that it’s just simply not true. It is precisely because Jesus did not fail that I do not have to live in my failures. I am not the sum total of my faults. His righteousness is imputed to me so that I may live in freedom from my failings.

So how does this work out practically? I am tempted, I fail, and now what? What is the very next thing that should happen? I confess, repent, and remember that Jesus has already bought my sins. Through His great mercy, he has allowed me to no longer be defined my failings. So I’ll end with a few words from a song that Just came up on Pandora, thank you Jesus.

“Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.”